28.9.09

Jo.

My dad always says Fuck under his breath.

He always looks mad.








I think I ruined his life.

Machine.

I hate doing drugs.
That make me realize who people are.

I think when I move out.
I'll finally enjoy company.

I recently realized I'm silent.
And people take that as judgmental.

I also realized I fucked everything up by thinking so much.

It's as if I'm watching everyone to realize what a human really is.
I don't like the hidden intentions.
And transparent insecurity.

I want to turn my mind off.
And maybe give myself a week of blind ignorance.

Pancake.

This decision must last.

I don't know.

HAHA!
I took acid the other night,
Without much thought.
Funny.

I throw myself into situations.
And I assume my stumbling, confused self will just take the beating.

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Well,
I enjoyed it, though I was stuck babysitting the drunken one.

Little bit of a disappointment.

My friend was only drunk and should have been the one to
take care of the barfing overgrown child.

But some don't seem to have much of a heart.
For anyone but themselves.

So, I sat in the van of ever changing patterns.
And tried my best to take care of the human
who seemed to be slowly vomiting slugs?

I don't care, I suppose.

My father woke me up, yelling.
Once again reminding me that he thinks I'm a drug addict because I sleep.

I have no agenda,
Why wake me?

Life seems pointless recently.

I have once again decided I don't like anyone.

And I have left most acquaintances.

I made some vodka plans tonight.
But even my dear Vodka can't bring me to spend time with these people.


I want to drink with interesting people.
Who challenge my intelligence.

Rather than bring a disgusted smirk to my withering face.

Jesus.
And someone rid me of these walking erections!
I want nothing to do with them.

I am so over this.....sex.
Simply to ease the craving.

I'll have it for another reason.
Someday.

25.9.09

Marcus.

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A thought.
The glimpse of an eye may wonder.
The Carcass may rot.
And I may stumble through dark nights in blunder.
Imagination may soon soothe such a soul.
But a touch in the woods brings a girl for the show.

Hello!
You beautiful young child!
You look so grown.
And your whisper drowns the miles.
Let these worries castrate you no longer.
I am here to save.
I am here to offer.

Walk into these doors.
Don't you mind the locks.
We are the mortal war.
We are here to shock.

Lust.
Passion.
Bust.
And action.

We are the company of pleasure.
I will train you.
I will create much better.

My darling Duchess.
Slip on these heels and pose for your silohuette.
Your lips mimick flowers.
Your eyes eat what's met.

The secret walls may not speak of such a sight.
I have created a bed for you.
Do not cry through the night.

For you are born for his smile.
You are created for light.
And if you betray me,
I will rid you your life.

Sour Apple.


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Prepared.
He may try to sleep with my best friend.
But with this,
I understand.

I am too kind, and too cold.
I destroy and love far too dearly.

Let me explain this to you, my dear reader.

I am a dwindling,withering woman,
But in this, I have grown in beauty.

Let this liquid, aquatic, tonic stain my teeth.

Who is to care!

I am searching for something that may quiver me bitter,
But wakes me up in a morning breath so sweet.


As I said,
I am prepared,
Come at me , my love.


Let me show you how I have longed,
Pined,
For such an acquaintance.

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24.9.09

Mark.

The widow.
Cries not of what was.
But of what could.
In a black sun hat
Whimpers speak of what is pined.
She walks along the cemented blocks.
That are meant to direct one to a bitter ending.
The universal gift given to every life.
Does not appear on her doorstep.
Nor in her mailbox.
Company has surrounded her presence.
And her smile joins theirs in grace.
And it wanders for days upon that withered face.
With flimsy grayed hair.
And thin, diabetic skin that is soft to the touch.
But it does not remain.
For the widow will take her last breath only with herself.
And she will have lived as the right hand man.
One can only strive so long off of the happiness of others.
One can only love themselves for so long.
Without the reasurance of another.
Walk along, my dear widow.
For you have been loved by many.
And I apologize on behalf of every being you have encountered.
You were meant for a lover.
But it seems that tragedy and fear have ridden you of your blessing.
But know, poor widow.
I agnowledge that you deserved that giggling whisper.
That you deserved that smile in your sleep.

The Only Secret.

I'm going to die.
With my story untold.
With my secrets in a veil.

They will never know.





And All I've Been Trying To Do Is Tell Them.

Cocaine.

I want to hold somebody's hand.

23.9.09

Cocaine.
Client.

I'm going to slowly create an incision across your cheek.
And tear it with vengance.
Watch the sin drip down your jaw.
As your eyes widen.
You know you begged for this.
You know your destruction is in the name of a million shadows.
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Goodbye little girl.

Cocaine.
Jo.


Little baby,
As you smile young and sweet.
My beautiful baby.
Siping on gin and tea.
Painted eyebrows.
And dark red wine lips.
You smile death.
As your fingers wither gray.

Your corpse lingers for days.
As you lie on the persian rug.
As your crime scene sits frozen.
Finger prints have only touched your soul.

But the blood inside of you shows.
The thrusts of imagination and of harmfull intents.
I come home to my baby.
And I stare at what is left.

My darling, victim.
I still feel you in my sleep.
And I walk down the stairs only to see you at my feet.

You're looking thin today.
It's turned a shade of brown.
It's stained where I've made you bleed.
Your Porcelain thighs take the crimson drips in tragedy.

As my handprints on your neck create a couture horror.
Your last vision was the green in my eyes.
Your last whisper was only received for my mind to replay.

You are mine forever.
You are mine to play.

My little child, do you not see?
I have created you.
You no longer have the coice of a negative response.

Your lips give mine a chill.
You seem cold when you're deceased.

19.9.09

Cocaine.
Sidewalks.

Like honey,
The whisper becomes stuck in your teeth.
This forced confession
Of a false perversion.
You will receive no relief.
You will never whipe your face clean.
Sugar crusts upon your thin, quivering lips.
They'll never tell me.
Because they don't know.
As my fabricated story of trugged sidewalks,
Bleeding smiles,
And soft skin
Brush by one's vision
Are they to know?
Electricity vibrates veins,
Pushes one foot forward.
But the thoughts run the questionably mentioned insanity.
Utter the unimagined.
The untold.
The scar.
Until we meet again.
Veracity may overcome.
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Cocaine.

You can not see.
I've closed your eyes.
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Let me touch you.

17.9.09

Cocaine.

I want them.
I got him.
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Don't Do This To Me.

16.9.09

Cocaine.

Depression.










You have unwelcomly slithered into my ear.

15.9.09

Cocaine.

Please take a deep breath.
You'll tire yourself out.
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I found the secret.

14.9.09

Cocaine.

I love being naked.

I love looking in the mirror after I get out of the shower.





I am so satisfied.
So happy.

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You have finnaly done well, body.
You are finnaly accepted.

Cocaine.

The brothers want a threesome.





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I can think of nothing more amazing.

Cocaine.

You are back again.


You.


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I feels innocent when we all sit on my bed.



Let Me Walk You To The Door.

Smack.

Kissed a boy.







He got a heart attack.








We lost his gun.

Jr.

I think I'll say yes.




And I'm not even afraid.



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I don't care if I'll die in the end.
If I die like this.

13.9.09

Crust.

He told me to tell him I loved him.











I told him it was still a lie.

9.9.09

...

My hands smell sweet.







I will smell my hands for breakfast.

Welcome.

Sometimes reality meets me at the face.
Jesus, these drugs.

I'd never had much of a draw towards oxy.
But, meh.

So I gave in to some pill a little above it.

Simply because I need to snort things.
Simply because I need something that burns my nose and shuts my eyes.

My stomache is empty.
Hah.

Yesterday seemed to be everyone loves Masha day.

Yesterday seemed to be Masha doesn't need anybody day.

Adam has decided to assume I sleep with every man I hang out with.
Fool.

Yesterday seemed to be the day He made me tell him what happened.
He doesn't know everything.

But I don't understand why I open my mouth for this basterd.
No one else has such a gift to know.

Shaun gets annoyed his friends always seem to crave me.
And I get annoyed because they're walking pupils.

The world has become my sex.
And these neighbourhood boys make it so easy.

Hello, Gold River.
I own your children.
And I own their purity.

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8.9.09

Alright.

Sgt.Pepper.
Sandalwood incense.
Ecstacy.
Friends always here.
Six people in my bed.
Four people in my bed.
Food becomes distgusting.
Cocaine.
Sex.
Decorated walls.
Cristmas lights in the night.
I've realized people care about me.

I've realized I can never really hide myself.
All I do is hide my stories.

I have no worries.
This loathing is temporarily swept away.
I'm blind?

2.9.09

Cake.

gone too far
touched the scar
tongue burned and singed
as we break the binge
running from the oxygen
more and more, and they're killing them
tissue falls to a melted waste
spit turns into a bitter paste
young growing old with withered eyes
snakes swim in salt as the whisper lies
a mind may take
forsake
bend and break
theif and take
with every dripping mistake
an imaginary cape
draped on the lover's cake
as it slithers through lips
only the smart burn this shit
one may caress
but it's reaching for the hit
destiny
has forgotten me
as i murder the street
as i bleed through my feet
the crime of these thoughts
can only rape what I've got
shutting the vision
kills the truth
but I'm still silent to listen
as it's melting the youth
footprints on the carpet that take my breath away
the ugliest thing creates a game to play
You
Your sweat
We decay
Forget
without the beauty of macbeth
we meet again
The calm death.