31.10.09

Today.

Is Halloween.

I haven been invited places.

And there are parties I know about.






I am staying home tonight.
Something is wrong with me.

I can feel it in my body.



She texted me today.
To.
Remodel our friendship.



I don't know if I even like her anymore.






I don't know how to explain.

Something.
Is wrong with me.

Tonight.

HAS.

To be the last night I hate myself.

Absolutley.

Loathe myself.

30.10.09

Cocaine.

I'm going to be a better person now.


















And, I don't like her

26.10.09

Bars.

He is interesting.

















I want to sleep with him.





Photobucket

I want him to hate me.
And, I can hate him, too.

25.10.09

...

My Dad has Aspergers.

















I hate myself completely.

Hello Tomorrow.

I met someone today.
I have actually known them for some time.
As they have known me, as well.

But, I really met them today.


He is me.




Fuck.

22.10.09

I have been waiting this whole time.

For someone to tell me that I didn't deserve it.
I tell myself.
And I know I didn't.

But I want to know someone else believes that.

I want someone to make up for my Dad.



No one really gives me worth.

I mean, Grace does.

But our world is about her.
Rather than us.

I keep ignoring every phone call today.
I couldn't handle socialization.


I really hate being so upset like I am.
I wish I could feel happy.

It's like.
There's nothing really to be upset about.
But I can't reach it.

I wish I liked people more.
I wish I wasn't afraid of trusting people.

I wish I didn't have such high standards.

I wish I was stupid and blind.

I wish I felt.
Like.
I was worth something.

My life is disgusting.


Something's wrong with me.

I'm really.
Really.
Depressed.

I can feel it physically.
My stomach wants to lose everything it has.

19.10.09

It.

I am too afraid.



I can not let myself go.

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14.10.09

.

Ryan.
Atom.
Dakota.

12.10.09

Wow.

[8:46:26 PM] Dakota Carter: hey so
[8:46:38 PM] Dakota Carter: i just wanted to say sorry
[8:46:44 PM] Dakota Carter: i was really mean to you for a long time
[8:46:45 PM] Mashka Gallant.: Ummmm...
[8:46:47 PM] Mashka Gallant.: and why?
[8:47:02 PM] Dakota Carter: but sometimes its hard to watch you do the things you do to yourself
[8:47:20 PM] Dakota Carter: and i felt like there were enough people in your life that didnt seem to care or call you out on it
[8:47:43 PM] Mashka Gallant.: Well...
[8:47:50 PM] Mashka Gallant.: that's why I liked you so much.
[8:48:24 PM] Dakota Carter: i just felt like i needed to apologize for being rough or whatever
[8:48:31 PM] Dakota Carter: but i stand by the logic

Dakota.

Fuck.












It will never end.





Him.







I want.



I don't want to say it out loud.

8.10.09

She.

Is.
Gone.

6.10.09

Hah.

She.
Copies me.
And she doesn't even notice.
My words.
Phrases.
Personality.
Humour.
Beliefs.
My oddness.
I'm quiet.
And she steals who I am.
And gives it to other people.

She doesn't know how to be herself in front of other people.

Had Coke freak out.
Eh.
She didn't care much.
Shaking.
Crying.
Stomach clenching.
Tired.
Angry.
Passed out for a couple minutes.

She just cared about the other one.
The other one is just as thin.
And therefore, she's more fun.
And doesn't get upset.


I've lost.


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