Remember what sex does.
I don't know how to explain it.
I enthrall myself in it.
Devote every moment to the passion.
I teach them things.
And it feels good when they learn well.
He was interesting.
The one who drives fast.
Listens to Classic Rock.
Wears his hat backwards with the bill bent.
He was easy to catch.
But he made it a little more difficult than the average one does.
He didn't spit any game.
Didn't try to impress me.
Which I appreciate.
When the Police showed up,
He interacted maturely.
He didn't give me specific attention.
He didn't go out of his way to receive mine, either.
He didn't kiss my ass.
I ended up sitting next to him.
And arms went behind heads.
Some fool had the ignorant nerve to voice his assumption we were"getting together".
Which was replied with negativity.
But, the next daaaaaaaay.
He came over, just the three of us.
And after Martinis,
He invited me to join once again.
Some pillow fight occurred,
And I knew.
He, then, kissed me.
And I remember everything I have been keeping myself from.
After I stopped having sex with people, I grew a fear of kissing.
It's not meant for anyone.
I'm not going to just kiss anyone.
It has too much power over me.
And, I really show vulnerability through it.
But, he was a nice boy.
And I liked to look at his face.
And touch it.
And his chest.
I neeever thought I'd sleep with him.
In both senses.
I teased him and myself for quite a while.
And I'd put him in for a second,
and my mind.
I lost myself so fast.
I went blind.
All I could see was sex.
And my thoughts.
Went heavy and dizzy.
And all I could think was sex.
So, I freaked out, and I'd take him out.
Which, I'm sure was an annoyance.
But, he'd tell me with this smile that it was okay.
And we'd continue our previous engagements.
I told him I wanted to sleep with him.
And I was thinking about it earlier in the day.
And, I guess Marina showed him my pictures on the internet...
He'd grab my hair and control my head.
I'd put my lips to his, and refuse to kiss him.
Just pause ourselves in that moment.
The more I bit, the harder he did.
Which is exactly my Vodka weakness.
The muscles in my neck are swollen from his mouth..
And I don't even remember the last time I had a hickey.
I've never met anyone who went insane as much as I did
When someone sucks on their neck,
or is bitten.
I gave in, but it didn't last long.
I think we both just had orgasms waiting for so long,
That we couldn't hold them off any longer.
We layed on the floor and slept a while.
I don't know why I was comfortable sleeping with him.
I don't like to be touched while I sleep.
But it felt okay with him.
I told him the secret of San Fransisco.
I don't know what happened.
I haven't told anyone in so long.
I started shaking,
Couldn't be touched.
It scared me.
He says he didn't care.
And he kissed me afterwards.
We hung out again.
With some other people.
And I was stupid enough to smoke.
So, I was silent the whole time.
And it just became awkward.
I wasn't afraid of anything until I remember that I released my secret.
And my face lost all feeling for a split second.
I'm mad at myself.
Why would I trust someone.