9.1.11

I am confused.
He got so drunk.
And I was upset because they don't respect me enough to respect the house.
And he won't control anyone in this house.
I drink.
And I smoke and play the guitar.
And I'm happy.
But I didn't pay much attention to him.
I just thought he would come to me when he wasn't mad at me for being mad anymore.
By the end of the night, he has his pants off.
And they're laughing and taking pictures.
And he's dead in my arms.
And it was scary.
I though he was too much.
And needed to sober up.
A lot.

They were just fucking laughing.
At his expense.
And he's in his underwear.

Marissa wants him so bad.
And was trying to be around the Bryan saving situation.
But she wants everyone.
And I was playing with her ass.
But she took it too far.
Like a drunken sixteen year old would.
Trying to gain attention.

And he tells me all night that I'm horrible.
And I apologize for being mean while we're in bed.
And he pushes me off.
And I just want to fucking fix things.
He hit me a lot last night.
And fucking hard.
And my fucking face.
And he tossed me off the bed.
I don't like when he's drunk.
Last night was the worst with him and hitting me.

He laid there muttering about me.
Saying everything so hurtful.

I don't think he is grateful for me.
He wakes up this morning talking about how bad I am to him.
And how I haven't said one good thing.
I just was distant last night.
Unintentionally.

I am so loyal.
And Adriana tells me he yells at T-Bone for being attracted to me.
I AM SO LOYAL.
I DON'T LOOK AT ANYONE.
I  DON'T THINK ABOUT ANYONE.
And he is always looking at women.
And telling me they want him.

I am good to him, and I know it.
But he doesn't sometimes.

I wanted to come home and just be with him.
I just wanted to lay with him.
And be intwined.

He isn't happy.
He's lost.
He doesn't know how to continue his life on or where to go right now.
And I think he is going to leave me.
Because he wants a new phase.

But I want to come :c
And I would help him through whatever he wants to do.
And be a woman.
And take care of him.
But I want him to be thankful.
He orders me.
And he isn't thankful for when I do take care of him.

He treated me so bad last night.
I wish he could see how he acts when he does this.
Maybe he would apologize then.

How can he hit me.
And while I'm here with my wisdom teeth out, he's hitting me.
And I just wanted  it to be stable.
And not so angry.

I just want him to see my efforts.

I just have to act towards him how I want him to be to me.
It works.

But I don't fucking hit him.

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