I'm fucking over myself.

I want to leave Bryan because I just don't want to deal with it anymore.

I want to stop eating.


I've barely used appetite suppressants, but they help when I need them.
Ever since he told me I should suck in, I just haven't been eating as much.
I am always aware of ruining myself.
I've lost some weight.
I haven't exercised in about a week, and once I start up on that again, it'll be even better.

He's not satisfying me.
He's not considerate enough.
He hurts my feelings every day.
But he doesn't try to.
So I get confused whether it matters or not.

I had a dream that all of these boys were in love with me.
And I was in love with them.
And I could choose one.
But it felt really good for them all to love me.
Ones with power.
Ones that were kind and respectful.

When things are good with him, I'm so high.
It feels so good that I almost want to cry.
But when things are bad, I am crying.
And I wish I never cared.

I wish that he reciprocated the way I feel about him.