30.5.12

Never ending bulimia.
It will always come back.
It's so easy.
My body is trained.

I almost went a year without it.
Couldn't imagine doing it again.
And then I became stressed out.
And people started to know me in the photo lab.
And I became aware of my appearance and what people though of me there. 

Beauty is power.
Weight problems are a sign of weakness.

It's not how it used to be.
It's not six times a day.
It's rarely even twice a day.
Or once a day two days in a row.

It's here and there.
It's when you make me mad.
It's when I eat until I'm sick again.
It's when something upsets my stomach.

It's so silent.
It's so easy.
It seems natural.

2.5.12

I've been a pig for two days.


I'm starting to see people attracted to me.
Why don't you act like they do.


You're too shy in public, you say.
Well, you're a pussy!
Scream at the top of your lungs that you love me,
Or crawl right out the door, you coward.

You make my mind worse.
If you put out, I'd shut up.
I'd smile more.
And things would be stressless.
But you're shy.
And lazy.
And your diet makes you sick.



I'M BORED.
I'VE BEEN HERE FOR TWO YEARS.
I HAVEN'T BEEN ANYWHERE FOR MORE THAN A YEAR AND A HALF SINCE I LEFT DAVIS AT 13.
I'M FUCKING BORED.
I'M FUCKING BORED, AND I WANT TO START DOING PHOTO JOURNALISM.
ARE YOU HOLDING ME BACK?



You don't love me enough to stay.
And I love you, and it's painful.
But I'll go on and find someone that absolutely crazy for me.
On their knees for me.