24.10.12

No, I ain't a fool like you.
I've had my drunken times.
Body filled with wine.
Screaming at the world until I'm blind.
I've been sleeping in the gutter just fine.
But a blundering bus like you is sure to fall.
I'll try and catch you, but I can't hold it all.
Catch it in your mouth like a waterfall.
With out class.
Coming off so brass.
Coming off with the worst of sass.
Don't try and control me, just ask.

And I'm still fiending.
For that grinding feeling.
I've got a lot of love.
but not the type that I'm needing.

I'm sitting here,
scribbling electronically.
Trying to express what I feel in my body.
Some sort of anger.
Some sort of insane.
But as I write these bitchy things,
I still don't express my pain.

I think that it's from the permanent damage.
Of my historical past.
An infant on a rampage.
I was degraded so fast.
Recently, I've realized.
That there were a lot more molestations than had seemed.
I find them falling out of my mouth.
And the reactions are obscene.
And I've realized the moments of rape.
That I blamed on myself and the slopp.
And there was a train ran on me.
And though I stated my opposition,
No, they wouldn't stop.
And I remember the moment.
Naked and running away from five men.
Because I remember these memories rushing to me then,
And I was afraid of them.
All of these grasping hands flying at me in the air.
And I'm flashing back to the degradation.
And for the first time, I cared.


I get stuck in times.
Where I remember my past.
And the walking disease.
That wasn't supposed to last.

WELL PLEASE
PLEASE FUCK OFF AWAY FROM ME
I'M SICK OF BLEEDING OVER MY HISTORY
PUNCHING MYSELF BLACK EYES
TRYING TO SLEEP FOR JUST ONE TIME.


Hitch hiking.
Old men grinding since I was twelve.
A fuck scene
Too young to be clean.

I've realized that socializing with people older than me
Didn't teach me the right things too fast.
I grew up in grease
And swam through the trash.

Because being a weird one isn't accepted until we're found unique.
I was alone for twenty years.
Until I found Minnelli.
And everything was stabilized.
I knew why I found beauty in the dirty flies.
Only to recognize.
The truth that don't make a noise.
I am the power,
And the common folks are my toys.

No more destruction towards me
And no more continuation of the blood curdling history.
I've found my groovy beat.
I play it in the street.
Another thing to see.
When you're wondering about me.



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