21.12.12

Ian partially physically minimally hit on me tonight.

YUH KIDDING ME.
Nowp.
Nopes nopes nopes

I know now, ya boy.
You and Bai ain't on thuh same page.

I don't care if you're leaving.
If I wanted so, I could waste the same time on another.

Don't you disrespect this girl so.
Now that I've slapped myself to realize that you aren't to trust when you want some.
You will just get none.

I don't ever want to hurt one I respect.

And, really, I only realize that sex is nothing to me.
I just don't want to have sex.
I just think that one to do so with me has to have passion and soul for me.
And the same back.

Penetration is violent.
Is so rugged.
It only feels wrong to me.
Like the rest of them.
Despite Bryan.

And I can not return after the correct manner.

And I also realized.
That I had a sexual experience in day care.
If only I could remember his name.
I'm pretty sure it was Jonathan.
He's a black boy.
We had co Ed bathrooms.
He tried so hard to get me naked.
And I knew I was over weight.
Even thought I was four.
And so I wouldn't.
I was ashamed.
So he got naked for me.
Seeing all of that.
And feeling the self hatred of my body.
Was painful and uncomfortable.

The teacher walked in.

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