27.2.13

So.
Jordan.
I took a $20 taxi from Manhattan to Brooklyn to see him.
At this warehouse party on McKibbin.
And.
It was filled with groms.
And Jordan was acting like a grom.
He didn't even really try to have a conversation.
He just wanted me to dance on him.
And he was trying non stop to make out.
At the party!
Fool!
I am not going to publicly make out.
Has he learned nothing from our encounters?
Sam told him that I have a crush on him.
And I don't appreciate that.
Because I had only a partial one.
I was still undecided.
But I think those words made him more aggressive.
I told him that I wouldn't kiss him there.
And he wouldn't give it.
He kept kissing all over my face, 
And I would move my lips away from his.
I finally let him kiss me in the elevator when we were alone.
Because I had been considering kissing him.
And he felt cuddly to touch.
But he is so agressive.
He walked me home because there was no subway going towards me.
And I invited him in.
He didn't really speak to Derek or Caitie.
He was simply awkward.
Started to make out with me on my bed.
And he keeps pushing to do more.
He wanted to give me head.
But I did not want him to do anything but kiss me and cuddle.
Because he hasn't respected me yet.
And he hasn't put in his time of knowing who I am.
Many many attempt of trying to take off my clothes, and I continue to stop him.
He won't listen to me.
And gets frustrated and blue balled.
He called me the devil woman.
It only made me smirk.
He decided to go home even though he didn't have work the next day.
He said that I could at least give him a back massage.
I did.
But as I've been thinking of it, what a spoiled fuck.
I owe him nothing.
I texted him asking if he got home safely.
He didn't respond.
And we haven't talked since.
That night has fully turned me off of him.
And that is why I don't let people get all of me.
Because they prove themselves poorly.






Jackson.
Oh man.
Um.
He is.
Really cool.

He is.
Really.
Really.
Attractive.
And I really.
Really like to talk to him.


He ended up not meeting us at the bar because it was raining.
And I understand that.
I was on ketamine, and the rain was really gnarly for me.
My feet were soaked.
And my paisley scarf didn't help much.
So me, Clarita, and her friend, India, who also knows him.
We all came to his house and slept over.
And.
He offered ceenamon toothpicks!!!!
Ceeeeeenamonnnnnn.
And We started to watch a horror movie, 
But it wouldn't load, 
And I am grateful.
Because I would have been squealing and grabbing people.
And making a fool of myself.
So we listen to some awesome classical music.
And then some moody vibey stuff.
The girls had taked xanax and fell asleep quick.
Insomnia seems to eat the both of us.
So.
So.
He and I are in the middle.
And he feels very good to lay against.
He he touched me only in the slightest.
Pet my ribs with my velvet dress.
And squeezed them.
He glided his hand up my boot a few times.
To slyly feel it without perving.
And he grabbed my hip bone.
But he was so kind about it.
He asked if it was okay.
I told him yes, but don't go too far.
He felt my stomach a few times.
And he rubbed my arm.
I had my back to him, but I was smiling.
We stayed up talking until ten am.
He told me all about graffiti.
I really want to go with him.
And I told him about boarding school.
And running away.
And he was very fascinated with it.
Said that it was giving him ideas.
And it was so nice to talk to someone about it.
And have them be interested rather than uncomfortable.
He said I don't have to talk about it if I don't want to.
But it's nice to talk about it.
Because it happened.
And I'm okay with it.
I told him about running away.
And he asked what we did there.
And I didn't tell him.
But I told him about Grace being kind of raped in the park.
And he asked me if that happened to me.
And I told him no.
Because it didn't happen to me at that point.
And I don't want to talk about that so quickly.
But it was nice of him to ask.
He asked so many questions about boarding school.
And I appreciated that.
We started to sleep.
And I was facing opposite of him.
And he told me that I could face towards him if I wanted to.
I did for a little bit.
I had my head in his arm.
And that felt so good.

I really appreciate his class and respect.
And it's so different from how Jordan acted.
I think that I may eventually like this kid if things continue.
I think that would be great.
I want to cuddle more.
















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