19.4.13

I slept with Gumby in my arms alllll night, heheh.

I don't think that I mentioned that Drew and I have hooked up.
It was extremely nice.
He's a cute cuddlemon.
He kisses very sweetly.

Though I physically want him.
And mentally for the most part.
Thinking about sex only makes me want it less still.
I don't want anyone to have sex with me.
And I don't want to have sex with anyone.


Though I may feel as if I have this attraction and interest in Drew.
I still have my soullessness.


Maybe it's just the hardened part of myself.
Maybe you never love so openly like your first love.
Because you don't have those calluses on there.
Only sweet softness.
Maybe I will always have this soullessness.
It may not be as hard as it is now.

It makes me sad to think of that.
It makes me feel older.
But at the same time,
It makes me feels safe.
Powerful.
And in control.

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