2.4.13

So I have been beaten.
I slept for two hours.
I said goodbye to Kevin last night.
And I'm really sad that I didn't know him for long.
And it took me a while to get to know him.
And I was just getting to see how awesome he is.
But he is going to have a great time.
And I hope to see him upon his return.

I like hanging out with these boys.
Because they're really goofy.
And I'm laughing a lot around them.
And we just smoke weed.
And I feel comfortable.

I think that my soullessness  makes me more comfortable.
Because I have none of those worries.

But I do think that this one guy is really nice.
And that makes me feel really good.
And I find myself thinking about him.
And wanting to spend time with him.

But though I am soulless.
I also find myself falling for interest in people so quickly.
I feel as if I have a partial awareness of every boy.
But then if something were to actually come up.
I then feel nothing.
I just.
Don't want anyone to touch me.
And.
It feels nice to have this power.
And regained purity.
But.
It also.
Makes me feel lonely.
I love touching skin.
And I miss it.
And I miss cuddling a lot.
But.
There's something that stops me.
I don't want to touch anything I don't love.
But love isn't something that I want right now.
And it's not an easy thing for me to find nor achieve.


I went to two Dmvs today.
The first one, I stood in front of but could not find.
So I walk to the second.
Fill out the form.
And the dude.
The dude that you talk to in order to get a ticket.
Had his face burned.
And the texture was so smooth.
And his bald head had a pattern on it.
It almost looked like he was lined like a copper tiger.
And it had a glow in the light.
Because he had a darker complexion.
And I actually found his bald burned head to be kind of beautiful.
But his nose was a bit odd.
smaller than it must had been before.
And the nose hairs poked out of it so brittle.
And gray.
And I think that his nostrils had been burned back.
He was nice.
But he did tell me that I had to go to the other Dmv because my previous license was from California.
So I took a subway to the address.
And I went to the wrong address.
So I walked to the first Dmv place.
Finally found it.
Wait in line as my phone dies.
And only show up.
So relieved and ready to get chit done.
To be told that my birth certificate, student id, and proof of address are not enough to gain a Ny id.
So I'm chapped.
I'm sad and chapped.
And on two hours of sleep.
And walking balls deep in Manhattan.

I did walk by the International Center of Photography.
And Bryant Park.
And It made me think of visiting here in the summer.
Having no idea that I would be living here now.

And so I go home.
I've been laying in bed, a dead human.
Smoking weed feeling much better.
Talking to my mom.
Figuring shit out.
Gonna do it, doody dewd.
I'm going to get shit done.
I'm going to get to Italy and Russia.
I need to.
I want to be re inspired.
And I want my balls and mind blown.
I MAY see Kevin!
And Pian!
And Stephanie Loo!
God damn, that would be fucking amazing.


And so the person that I have been partially thinking of.
Has, I think, been thinking of me.
They sent me a video.
Which was nice and made me laugh.
And he would like to spend time with me.
And I would like the same.
So I'm gonna. 

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