24.6.13

Haven't seen her since Christmas.
One of the first things she tells to me is that I've gotten chubz again. 
And the reality has set in 
It is true. 
It is true. 
I have lost my shape. 


I have lost my power. 
I am no longer a congueress. 
I no longer remember the feeling of my collar bones. 
My hip bones. 


Not as a starving child. 
But a controlled one. 

Give yourself control, Masha. 

Mama tells you when you're thin. 
Mama tells you when you've lost within. 


She tells me never to drink beer. 
And it is worthless. 
She is true. 
Why would I drink bread. 

I want the power to stomp again.
I can not return to Brooklyn as the slop that I find myself now. 

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