9.9.13

A lot has changed
A week ago,
I all of a sudden felt better.
After the panic attack,
I kind of accepted everything.
And Young Little went to bed.

I am no longer upset over the lack of care from that boy.
And have accepted that everyone I've met in Ny
Is only an acquaintance.

And once I realized that.
I was no longer offended by the lack of reciprocation.
Because I simply mistook their care.

People in Ny care only in the moment.
But they forget about you after the hug goodbye.

There is a boy that I see around.
I've met him twice before through a mutual acquaintance.
I never bothered on him, though I found him attractive.
But I feel as if he has noticed me.
And it has caused for me to notice him.
But my excitement is most likely more.
Because I am excited that I can be interested in someone.

I was interested in a girl for a moment.
But her mind is juvenile,
And I am not one to like a child.

Therapy is something of a whole other entry.
I was having a panic attack in class today.
But I swallowed it.

The teacher was pissed at me.
But she swallowed that once she saw my work.
And the way I looked her right in the eyes when she was bothered.
And how I didn't become a small child due to the anger.

I feel as if this is silly to say.
But I am impatient about this boy.
I would just like to kiss him.
And for the first time in a while.
Thinking about anything further hasn't frightened me.

I would hope that this happens.

I also anticipate Thanksgiving break because.
Then I can sleep with my friend.
And enjoy that.


I am not.
I don't like.
That Bryan is the last one I slept with.
I am not the last one of his.
And that's not really what takes hold of my disliking.
It is that Bryan isn't the one to  deserve to be the last one.
And I guess that isn't really it.
I would just like to have care for another at this point.
Maybe not grand emotions.
Exactly not grand emotions.
But I would like passion.





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