I am swallowing this panic attack. 
I just feel betrayed. 
And this makes me feel lonely. 
Not betrayed, but not stood up for. 
I feel like Liza being okay with Clara makes it okay what she did. 
Like I am the only one who is going to stand up for myself. 
And I don't think that anyone has the right to tell people who to be friends with. 
But this is a feeling inside of me that I can't shake. 
And reality can't overtake how I feel. 
I don't think that Liza loves me as much as she used to. 
And this is the reality setting in. 
That our friendship has changed since Ny. 
We are separate. 
And there isn't a voodoo between us. 
I am myself. 
I am alone. 
And I am the only one who will demand respect and stand up for myself. 

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