25.7.14

052014

052014 1:39 am

I’m the only one not doing coke 
I want to rip their chest open and eat their blood
I am
I am
I am so weak
My eyes have become heavy 
I just
It’s my heart that is to explode
And this panic attack is slowly melting into my organs 
I feel like I’m going to die because it has become a need again
I am so glad that I’m running away to Russia to ease this addiction
I’m disappointed in myself because this is the third time I have had to kill the silver snake
They keep going to the bathroom
And I want to eat the whole bathroom
I want it
I want it I just do, but
It isn’t even a high that ends well
It’s the moment
And the ritual
It’s the evil in me that loves the evil in the snake
I’m alone, and they’re all high
I want to eat them all alive
I just have to cry I just need to cry
But this is a thing that I can never do
It is sad that I can only cry when I have a panic attack
The satisfaction is minimal

But I proclaimed to the group
That I mustn’t know
And everyone grew quiet
To hear a babe is addicted to blow 
I think it instilled a fear
And reality of what comes

But she sits next to me
And tells me it’s speedy
Which is unattractive 
But I’m needing, oh

They ask me do I have the bag
I don’t think they remember
We’re used to speaking without thinking together
But I’m only lost in my thoughts
What am I to do
Drink myself to oblivion?

The snake coils around my throat 
I hyperventilate because I can’t breathe
And I become so dizzy
There have been so many times 
That I’ve worried about falling into some form of seizure
Or a heart attack 
My heart used to palpitate every day from her.

Why can’t it last forever
Why can’t cocaine be my only woman
She isn’t loyal to me
But that is love
It brings you anguish and pain 
And addiction in your body any brain
I did this to myself
Fifteen years old
Seven years later
And here I am
Scribbling in my phone
Because I am weak.


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