You know, I never went to a poetry reading before. 
But I didn’t expect for all of the emotions in the room to swivel above my head and dive down into my throat gagging me and gagging me I couldn’t even hear what they were saying anymore I could only hear my mind which was consumed by everything that happened, and I’m not so sure, I’m not so sure that I’ll ever be able to integrate back into society all the way after what happened and being hidden in another cult world for so long when I was young and stupid and impressionable I think it makes me alone forever because I carry these stories all alone and no one likes them because they’re uncomfortable which makes sense, but I just swallow and swallow everything I remember until I can’t breathe, and I’m hyperventilating and gasping in a corner I hope no one sees I hope no one sees.

I stepped outside downstairs for a cigarette, and he held me and kissed my head as I cried. 
It didn’t last long, but at least I cried.

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