5.9.14

I wish I kept up with this more.
It's been very helpful with understanding myself throughout the years.

Well, living alone is great I eat much less my body is becoming beautiful.
I'm a little bit sad at the loss of my bum.
It's still my pride, but it just isn't so gelatinous.

I want a boyfriend, I want one.
I want one.
But I'm an odd girl.
I think that I'm a lot to handle.
I'm very overbearing.
I talk a lot.
I talk more than anyone I know.
I'm uncontrollable.
I can not stop speaking.
I think it's due to my energy.
I don't know if I've written it on here,
But in May, I've realized that I certainly do have ADHD.
And with tequila as my drink of choice,
I think I may be a bit insane.
But it feels good.
And I may be overwhelming,
but people know that I'm a good person.
So I can tell that sometimes, they bear my energy.

It's a bit sad that when I'm thin, boys will listen to me speak longer.
I understand.
If you're attracted to something,
You'll put more effort into it.
I don't know.
I only really see these boys at parties.
But A lot of them write.
And I kind of want to read their work.
And share mine.
I've been really enjoying writing.
I think because I used to be ashamed of it over the years.
Because it's very personal and vulnerable.
But I like it.
I like the way I speak when I write things some times.

I'm living in East Village in Manhattan.
My apartment costs $2,600 a month.
And it gives me anxiety like I'm a piece of shot spoiled girl who is succumbed to her depression.
I need to take advantage of what most people aren't given.
I need to make something of myself.
I need to become something big.
i need to make amazing art and a lot of money for it.
I need to network.
I need to become something big.
I need to become something big.

I dream of kissing a boy in such a sweet manner.
I don't think that any man in New York City knows the depths of who I am.
So I feel if anyone were to kiss me, they won't know who they're kissing.
They don't have to know everything.
But they do have to get a sense of me.

I started school and so far do not have a teacher who I'm going to fall in love with.
It sounds silly.
But I was looking forward to that.

I ought to shower and leave this house with my camera.
Hopefully, I stumble upon a dead animal on my way to the subway.

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