16.12.14

11:03 pm 151214

There's this never ending feeling 
Where I wish no one loves or knew me 
So I could leave the country
Re ignite my mind 

Live in the alias that is my present self 
Who isn't dragging their childhood behind them 

I've lived so many lives 
And I've been in a two year transition 
What is about to happen 

Am I doing drugs because the semester is ending, and I need release 
Or am I doing drugs because I'm finding some form of melted vulnerability within myself that feels so nice, but it's also so frightening that my eyes roll back into my head, and my chest becomes dust like it's always been 
My bones become what I slam against the sidewalk 
Every muscle in my body aches because I stopped tending to them
The constant nausea makes my hands shake 

I don't recognize myself in the mirror 
When did I grow up 
And when did I wake up with this man who is nice to me 

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