2.6.15

I want to rid myself of this
Velvet chest I own
I was more at peace when I was dead

And honestly,
I am kind of pissed at this dude
Because three months after I tell him I like him
He tells it to me back
And comes over
And fucks me
And I don't see him again for so long
And now he pops in and out of my life
While he's in love with someone else
Just to seemingly keep me
As a prospect
As a longing girl


I fell in love with his beauty
And the sex

I feel this violence inside of my limbs
I think it's simply anger for causing me pain
But I don't think he meant to do so
I think that this is just a reaction

I'm mad
I'm mad that
I'm a fool
I'm mad that
No one can ever love me for some reason

I am meant for men with fists
With dicks that pound me like I'm not a human
With hearts that only beam at mirrors

I am
Only thriving when I crawl in the gutter
The cracks in the walls filled with cocaine
The sewer liquid made of tequila toxic
The air thick with tobacco tears

I am 
A woman whom holds a life too morbid
I am
Uncomfortable for the public
I am
Meant for loneliness
Due to 
My death since childhood

I am embarrassed of myself
Of course
Of course
I am 
Here to wither

Of course
I am
Endlessly
Pining
And alone

My dreams have been warning me for so long
But I don't listen to them
Because I don't want to hear it

I need him to come
And kill me, himself.
So that I can understand
The reality
Of what is

The reality
That I am alone
And I am too much
Too much
To ever love


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